I am not a good person. I have spent a large portion of my life attacking Christians and taking pleasure in mocking them. There have been people through out my life that tried to share the Gospel with me. I took delight in asking them questions they could not answer and then laughing about it. I was so smug and arrogant that I thought these people were just blinded by their own fear of death that they had to invent something to set their minds at ease. After awhile people quit bothering me with all this nonsense and I thought I had won. I spiraled down into a depression that lead me to the contemplation of suicided but I had a daughter and no matter how much I wanted to give up I could not go through with it because she did not deserve that. Years later there was a guy at work that kept pestering me to go to church so I started my usual questioning I knew he couldn’t answer. He would not let it go and would just say I don’t know but my preacher might. One day he asked me to come to his church for a revival they were having. I didn’t want to go but I thought maybe if I went he would finally leave me alone. I arrived there and found a seat about midway in the pews and though I hope this doesn’t last too long. As I sat there half listening, someone asked “Well? What are you going to do?” I said “What do mean what am I going to do?” He said “You’ve read the Bible and you know all this. What are you going to do?” I said “I do know all this but I don’t believe it.” He said “Well, if you don’t believe this then who are you talking to?” That’s when I noticed there was nobody there. Then the voice asked me again “WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?” This time more forcefully. I was, to put it mildly, a little taken aback when I realized this whole conversation was taking place in my head. I left that night without making a decision. After thinking it through I called the preacher of that church and asked if I could come over and talk to him. It was memorial day so I was off work. I went to see him and immediately started with my questions, but this time I was just stalling not knowing what to say. He just shook his head and said “I don’t know, no one has ever asked me questions like this before, but you can ask God. I told him I thought it was a sin to question God. He said that God was not afraid of my questions. I thanked him, but, I was not really all that concerned with the questions I had asked. I wanted to be save then and there because I was afraid to drive home. I didn’t tell him what had happened to me but I was certain that I had been given an ultimatum. The way I saw it, God was tired of my arrogance and was going to put an end to it one way or another. I told him I wanted to be saved and he told me about the sinner’s prayer. I sat there for a few seconds collecting my thoughts. He saw I was having trouble finding the right words and said I didn’t have to say it out loud. I blurted out, a little quicker than I had planned, No! I said I didn’t want to take any chances. I saw out of the corner of my eye he had a little smile on his face. He really had no idea how scared I was at that time. After I had asked God to save me a sense of calm cam over me like a warm blanket and my life has never been the same. Everybody that knew me at that time were shock at the change in my behavior. Oh! All those questions I had? They were answered, but that’s another story and a good one at that. Think Job!
